tisdag 13 september 2011
My kitten: 12 weeks old and already a manwhore
I just found out that my kitten, whom I am supposed to be able to take home next week, has been diagnosed with "Feline Chlamydophila"; kitty chlamydia. As I have named the kitten Nietzsche, my first reaction was "Chlamydia? No no NO YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO CONTRACT SYPHILIS, JUST CUTE SWEET QUIRKY SYPHILIS!" as a good and caring cat owner. He is so lucky. After I calmed down, I spiraled into a googling frenzy and read every single article available online about cat chlamydia and what I have gathered, this is serious business. I'm going to have to shower, change my clothes and use disinfectants every time I wish to visit my friend's cat, and once you have contracted the disease, you will be contagious for the rest of your life. And the poor thing hasn't even had any sex, he contracted it from his mother at birth! He can barely eat by himself! He's a virgin with an STD. It's like the depressing trailer trash version of Holy Mary's virgin birth. Now he's probably going to be forced to call all his former kitty acquaintances, and man, that is going to be a bummer, since it's basically just his brothers and that sofa that he likes to rub his bum against.