I just found out the perfect way to whine about your sad life without sounding pathetic. GOOGLE TRANSLATE EVERYTHING TO FRENCH! Watch how I transform this seemingly depressing statement:
"I cried myself to sleep last night because I was eating Nutella out of the jar and watching TV and then I saw this skinny girl on Top Model and then I tried to make my cat hug me but he thought I was being weird and shat in my shoe."
Sad shit, right? WRONG. Pressing Google Translate button...TA DA!
«Je me cria de dormir la nuit dernière parce que je mangeais du Nutella du pot et regarder la télé et puis j'ai vu cette fille maigre sur Top Model et puis j'ai essayé de faire mon chat me serrermais il pensait que j'étais bizarre et chié dans ma chaussure. "
See? Now, suddenly I seem like a hip, Sylvia Plathy-like depressed person who spends all her days smoking cigarettes and writing novels about the meaningless of life. Which I usually do too, if you switch the word "life" to "any chocolate containing raisins". But you know, Sartre would have approved. He pretty much thought that everything was meaningless, but I imagine that raisins were at the top of the list.
Dylan Moran probably noticed this magical phenomenon before me. I am willing to accept that. In return, I expect his body in my bed. Like now.