lördag 29 oktober 2011

I have only been in New York for four days and already have a list of 5 things I hate about America

1. A pair of nuns in a Hummer-car almost ran me over. Enough said.
2. All Americans bake a lot better cupcakes than me. By comparison, mine look like the dead hooker dragged up from the water in an episode of CSI version of a cupcake. Presentation is key - Martha taught me good.
3. I witnessed a woman bumping into another woman by the cashiers in a supermarket - a situation that in Sweden would be solved by two simultaneous nervous giggles and a "OH MY GOD I AM SO SORRY!". However, in a wonderfully American fashion, the women started to argue and resolved the situation by a mature "You fucking bitch" and stormed off in separate directions.
4. I am not only fatter than most women here, I am also TOO THIN in comparison to all the 300 kg people who has a very close and intimate relationship with their fryer. It's like I can't win. And I also saw Minnie Mouse doing the walk of shame home at 6 am while drinking a beer. Media really does inforce crazy body ideals on today's youth.
5. The overly cheerful and welcoming personnel in all stores, ambushing me with a word blitzkrieg of "OMG WELCOME HOW ARE YOU LOVE YOUR HAIR LOVE YOUR FACE LOVE YOUR TONSILS PLEASE TIP ME UNTIL I VOMIT!!!". They might not have said exactly that, but I read between the lines.

And, you know, the whole million different wars and 1 % of the population controlling 40 % of the GNP thing, but that's not as relevant as the previously mentioned problems. Seriously, USA, shape up!

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